Randy's been undergoing proton radiation for about a week now and chemo since last Friday. He seems tired, looks pale and gets nauseated easily. He's still talking about going back to work ("next month"). I told him to wait until the doctor gives him the "all clear". He is only starting the chemo and it has not gotten really bad yet. That's coming soon. I just know it. I'm not being negative, I just know what I know. I knew there was something wrong with him months ago. Bonnie knew it. She feels the same thing I do, like the other shoe is waiting to drop. We'll see. I can't even express my fears, he sees it as being negative and unsupportive. I can't say anything to him like what would I do without him here ? I'm supposed to smile and pretend there's nothing wrong, yet he wants me to be glad when he remembers something (which he still forgets a lot), or is able to snap his fingers (wasn't able to before and frankly, still can't do), or sing better (still, no, not a singer, couldn't carry a tune if he put it in a bucket with a handle). So, I smile and hold his hand, get him what he needs and try to hold it all inside. Then I go out to my car, drive anywhere, talk to myself and scream. TTFN...
LW
Monday, April 9, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
We started noticing small things about Randy's walk, talk and overall demeanor, back around the beginning of the year. He seemed to tire easily. He started forgetting things. Lots of things. Then he started walking strangely and he started to mumble. His mood swings were alarming. He would accuse me or the girls of not telling him things we knew we had. Randy started losing things; his keys, wallet, glasses, work badge. The first week of February, he came home, not feeling well. He was going to bed around 7 pm, not eating as much as he used to. His weight loss was alarming, about 35 pounds lost since the beginning of 2012.
He went to the doctor, downplaying his condition to "not feeling well, a little dizzy", so the doctor had him checked for a blood flow problem (ultrasound done on his neck, to check for blood flow to the brain).
Then, when he told the doctor he felt shaky, the doctor started blood tests for diabetes, three blood tests, to be exact, including a 3 hour glucose tolerance test ! All came back negative, of course. All this time, I kept telling the doctor there was something not right in his head (left side, since his peculiar walk was affecting his right side) and that they should checking there.
Finally, on Saturday February 24th, after being off work for three weeks, he finally let me take him to the Emergency room, at the Regional Medical Center. The doctor listened to his symptoms (the list that I wrote down of everything) and said they would do a CT scan. Not long after that, the doctor told us he was glad we came in that day, Randy had a large tumor on the top-left side of his brain. They scheduled surgery for Tuesday, February 27th and several of his siblings and sibling-in-laws, my daughter and I were there at the hospital all that day. We thought that was it, the worst was over, until the pathology report came back on Friday, March 2nd. It showed the worst kind of brain tumor, Glioblastoma Multiforme. The neuro-oncology doctor met with us and told us without treatment, he would only have 3 months. With radiation and chemotherapy, a year, maybe a year and a half. The hospital discharged him, so that he could rest at home and get ready for further treatment.
Since then, we've gathered family around us for support, sent word out to friends and family we had lost contact with and started to find out if there was any way we could beat this monster. Randy says he wants to fight and we're behind him all the way. It's going to take everything I have in me to stay in this fight, but I've already burned up so much of my time, taking him to doctors' appointments and going to see him in the hospital every day, while he was there.
The thought of a life without my Randy, seems so foreign, after all I've known him since I was 16 (I'm 49 now). He and my brother Phil went to Community College together. We started dating when I was 18, we moved in together when I was 21 and we married when I was 24 (he had just turned 28). Our beautiful Bonnie was born 2 years later and Eva was born 6 years after that.
I set up an IndieGoGo fundraiser, so that I could continue to stay home and take care of him, when I could, when my daughters had school and work and not worry about bills.
I'm hoping to take him somewhere for our anniversary, in August, perhaps up the coast or down to San Diego, if he's up for it. There's a Diana Krall concert in August, at the Pechanga Casino, maybe we'll do that and stay at the hotel overnight. He's like that, he's a big fan of hers.
Oh, break time is over, I'll post an update tomorrow.
He went to the doctor, downplaying his condition to "not feeling well, a little dizzy", so the doctor had him checked for a blood flow problem (ultrasound done on his neck, to check for blood flow to the brain).
Then, when he told the doctor he felt shaky, the doctor started blood tests for diabetes, three blood tests, to be exact, including a 3 hour glucose tolerance test ! All came back negative, of course. All this time, I kept telling the doctor there was something not right in his head (left side, since his peculiar walk was affecting his right side) and that they should checking there.
Finally, on Saturday February 24th, after being off work for three weeks, he finally let me take him to the Emergency room, at the Regional Medical Center. The doctor listened to his symptoms (the list that I wrote down of everything) and said they would do a CT scan. Not long after that, the doctor told us he was glad we came in that day, Randy had a large tumor on the top-left side of his brain. They scheduled surgery for Tuesday, February 27th and several of his siblings and sibling-in-laws, my daughter and I were there at the hospital all that day. We thought that was it, the worst was over, until the pathology report came back on Friday, March 2nd. It showed the worst kind of brain tumor, Glioblastoma Multiforme. The neuro-oncology doctor met with us and told us without treatment, he would only have 3 months. With radiation and chemotherapy, a year, maybe a year and a half. The hospital discharged him, so that he could rest at home and get ready for further treatment.
Since then, we've gathered family around us for support, sent word out to friends and family we had lost contact with and started to find out if there was any way we could beat this monster. Randy says he wants to fight and we're behind him all the way. It's going to take everything I have in me to stay in this fight, but I've already burned up so much of my time, taking him to doctors' appointments and going to see him in the hospital every day, while he was there.
The thought of a life without my Randy, seems so foreign, after all I've known him since I was 16 (I'm 49 now). He and my brother Phil went to Community College together. We started dating when I was 18, we moved in together when I was 21 and we married when I was 24 (he had just turned 28). Our beautiful Bonnie was born 2 years later and Eva was born 6 years after that.
I set up an IndieGoGo fundraiser, so that I could continue to stay home and take care of him, when I could, when my daughters had school and work and not worry about bills.
I'm hoping to take him somewhere for our anniversary, in August, perhaps up the coast or down to San Diego, if he's up for it. There's a Diana Krall concert in August, at the Pechanga Casino, maybe we'll do that and stay at the hotel overnight. He's like that, he's a big fan of hers.
Oh, break time is over, I'll post an update tomorrow.
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